Mailbag: Methoxphenidine, Personal Space and the 50:50 Rule
Me and a friend tried MXP and were blown away by it’s qualities. In particular it got to where I could take very small doses and experience great insights and feelings all the while not being too “far out”
Since these blissful times I have stopped everything. Occasionally I smoke herb but even that I started to see as being a major obstacle in my life. After years of doing drugs I was starting to feel their effects- as in I was getting thinner and losing some of my life force. Even with MXP-which I absolutely loved- I hated to report that no matter how much I ate I was losing weight. This killed me- because everything else was great on it.
I had so many mind bending experiences on it and me and my friend got to where we pretty much communicated on this telepathic level. An abundance of deep pleasant experiences and also a very driven spirit while on MXP. Also, how is it possible to feel so much energy and yet sleep like a baby if you so choose. The sleep we would get was amazing- like brain fully recovering.
Anyway, curious as to what your thoughts are on it- came across your blog. Some friends reported nothing from it.
Please let me know anything you know about it.
I enjoyed MXP very much. Sleep = NMDA antagonism. Energy = dopamine. It releases a lot more dopamine than ketamine, which is also what gives it that “sparkle”. I found it highly addictive. I would go on nights out and just look forward to getting home and sinking into an MXP trip. It would make everything look like it was made of candy. It was great.
The insights and all that you are describing are because, in my experience, MXP triggers an “Arising & Passing Away”. Read Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha to learn about this: http://www.dharmaoverground.org/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/MCTB+4.+The+Arising+and+Passing+Away/en LSD can also trigger this.
I have also had telepathy with my brother, but that was on ketamine.
I have also given up substances (6 weeks now) because I started to hurt everywhere all the time. I’ve stopped the escapism now, although it was good at points. Even alcohol, I only have about 3 beers a week and that is usually because I’m out and it’s customary.
Personal Space and the 50:50 Rule
During another conversation, with Pat, I mentioned that I’d been to see Imagine Dragons live last night after some friends invited me.
Were they any good? I wouldn’t mind seeing them, they have a few good songs.
I honestly can’t tell you if they were good or not. I don’t like crowds. I don’t have anxiety at all any more and it’s actually quite strange because I used to naturally assume that “not enjoying something social” = “anxiety”. So thinking about it last night while at the gig, I just found that being surrounded by people and having no personal space correlates directly with feeling “crowded” in my mind – so thoughts don’t have space to foment.
I remember one guy standing so close to me, before the band even started, that I eventually turned around and said, “Are you trying to get past, mate?” He thought for a moment then said, “Yeah, I suppose I am” and walked through, then away. He then went and did the same to another group of people. I realized he was there on his own and was trying to attach himself to a group, and probably picked us because we were joking around and having a good time. I felt sorry for him at that moment (compassion). Then the band started and everyone just squashed in closer and closer. I just stood there for the 2 hours in more of an analytical mode, creating some mental space with a jhana and thinking about the universe and stuff. So it wasn’t unpleasant. But I didn’t “give myself to the moment”, and simply won’t at any kind of crowded event. The only times I ever did were generally on super-reality drugs like MDMA where everything “is” the moment and there is very little sense of self. (It has been shown scientifically that the ring of brain areas which light up during self-referential thought no longer link up in that way while on MDMA.) Before the band played, their support act Sunset Sons were on, and I enjoyed them because I had a lot more personal space around me and we were making little jokes about their songs amongst ourselves, so it was more of a “step in, step out” experience, which I prefer.
When looking back over a lot of similar situations, things make a lot more sense now. E.g. I bet I would have loved seeing Prince live last year if I had just had 3 feet of space around me. In my long experience these things can’t really be changed and should actually just be catered for. I’ve wasted a lot of my life trying to change what are, it seems, “core” personality traits. Nowadays I am quite diligently following the “50:50 rule” which I made up recently and talked about here: https://www.personalpowermeditation.com/jhana-waves-and-breathing/#comment-53623
“I like to remember the rule of 50% free will, 50% determinism. So you keep a loose grip on the reins. You let the universe/activity play out ‘as it wants’ in equal measure to your own control of it. This element of acceptance lets the ‘river run around you’ while you direct your course.”
A similar sentiment has been expressed in the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
However, my 50:50 rule pertains not just to everyday wisdom as the above does, but describes the fundamental relationship between free will and determinism that makes up the basis of experience here in the material world. Thus it can be applied to every facet of that experience, and has particular significance in personal change, creative acts, magick, and future-shaping.