Candy and Coins
I’m still tripping balls from the weekend, despite not being on drugs. I can still clearly see the essential transitory nature of the Universe — its ever-shifting impermanence, its growing and mellowing, each cause blooming into effect becoming a cause itself forever and ever, events transforming before my eyes, myriad, like a lava lamp. And everything is still made of candy. 😀
My second trip on MXP Saturday night through Sunday morning yielded an integration of the left parietal lobe. Everything reduced down to symbols, or tokens, or coins, with innate knowledge of how to use them to “buy” stuff. (This is Melonhead symbolic organization in Koanic-speak — which is how they know instinctively how to get what they want from people! And this is why they put these little symbols on fruit machines and lottery scratchcards to get them hooked, because they know people are naturally fascinated by them.)
Those of you who have tripped before will know what I mean when I say everything reduced down to symbols. Everything looks like this:
Or like this:
For me everything was just like candy — or coins (see featured image for this post). And I suddenly knew what to do with them!
This has stuck with me now.
What I’m about to say will be so blatantly obvious to some. I guess I always knew it deep down, too, but just refused to see the world as a marketplace and social interactions as transactions, probably due to some idealized way of looking at the world which refused to be so reductionist and cynical.
I was thinking about women at the time. The insights are as follows. It is a “currency”-based model.
“WHAT DO I WANT FROM HER?”
List the BEHAVIOURS you wish her to exhibit to you.
So instead of saying, for example, “I want her to love me”, break that down into the physical behaviours that constitute that act, for you. So any time you catch yourself desiring an EMOTION from her (which you cannot get, because those emotions are actually yours not hers lol), convert it instead into physical behaviours! So maybe it’s her looking at you with big eyes. Or kissing you. Or cuddling you, or saying pretty things to you to validate you in every way you dream, or sucking your cock or fucking you. Literally list them all out in your journal now. Make this a behaviour-based model. Not an emotion-based one.
(Ya, I had a hard time with this too, since it throws a lot of ideals such as “love” under the bus. But take a leap of faith here.)
Break everything down into the physical behaviours you want, and literally write them in a list in your journal.
“WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM ME?”
So this is now the moment where you spend time figuring out what she WANTS, that you can give to her, to “buy” or “unlock” those behaviours you listed above and have her give them to you.
You come to ask what SHE wants, not what YOU want. That was the mistake I was making before – only thinking about GETTING the “coins” from HER, not giving any back – or assuming our coins were the same, and I really didn’t put too much thought into the idea that some of the coins I give her are going to be DIFFERENT from the coins I want back.
Let me explain this latter point because it’s the crux of this.
So you see guys who are really good with women, and they give women little games like fun things, almost like you would do with a child. Easy, fun little roleplays, little jokes, little ideas for them to share. These are the COINS he gives to her. I literally see them as him giving her candy.
Yet those same coins would not work on you, would they? That’s where my confusion was before – I had this idea that MY coins were the same as HER coins (or “should” be the same in an idealized world, if she’s “my perfect match” — man, ideals can really fuck with getting stuff done). But you need to have the currency SHE accepts. Which is these little fun games and attention and emotions. They are the candy.
So my friend is excellent with women, truly one of the best around. He goes up, and he is ALL ABOUT GIVING HER THE CANDY.
This is the crux of the model. You ask yourself, “What does she WANT?” And you give that to her. You just keep giving!
And it also applies to all social interaction. Forget about what you want for the minute. Everyone is always too busy thinking what THEY want. Instead, think what the other person wants.
So, everything you can offer to someone is now a COIN you can give them. This even applies to just passing someone in the street. Ask, “What can I give them?” If it’s a smile, that’s a coin. You can’t give lots to a random stranger in the street because you don’t want enough back from them to make the transaction worthwhile. Yet a smile is a coin. Or maybe give them nothing. Point is, it’s a transaction, and you decide. I smile or think good thoughts or just do nothing if I’m not feeling like it. Karma works on coins.
What does a masculine man want? RESPECT and ACKNOWLEDGMENT. The nod and the “Hey.” That’s the coin he wants. So it’s the coin you give him. The more masculine a man, the more respect is his coin.
The more feminine a man, the more he wants some distraction like a little conversation or bit of fun. The spectrum stretches all the way to woman, who does not want your respect (that is not the coin she wants), but wants entirely the fun and distraction and play (that is the coin she wants). Do you get it now?
The good thing about women is that they want the sex coins too, all the time. But you have to buy her time and attention and isolation with the “game” coins first. Then when you’re alone you start trading sex coins.
She WANTS sex, and you can give it to her as a coin. It’s just about making the situation such that you can give her what she wants. Always think WHAT SHE WANTS, even with sex. Make it so that by giving her what she wants, you get what you want too. Do not think about what you want as your primary thought process. There is plenty, PLENTY of overlap with what you want and what she wants. By giving her what she wants, 95% of that is going to be what you want anyway. Exciting situations. Pushing her buttons. You like to do it, and she likes having it done to her.
So, the crux of the model is: Think of what SHE wants, and how you can give it to her, then give it to her!
Guys are too caught up with what THEY want. They’re trying to “get” the coins out of the women. They don’t understand that the coins she wants initially are different to what he wants. They both want sex – it’s a mutually exchangeable currency – but you have to get her already transacting (taking coins off you) first.
- Your looks are coins.
- Your smile is a coin.
- Your cocky smirk is a coin.
- Your knowing smile is a coin.
- Your stories are coins.
- Your playfulness is a coin.
- Your teasing is a coin.
- Your provision of excitement is a coin.
- Your status is a coin.
- Your kissing is a coin.
- Your sex skills are coins.
- What others coins do you have that women like?
Now take your eye off sex for a moment and think of other social coins you can give, for more general social situations. What about coins you give to friends? Or family?
Now test this model exclusively for a set period. So, for the next 4 weeks, when going to do anything social, anything at all, always start the thought process behind each interaction with the question, “What do they WANT? What is their COIN?” Then find a way to give them that coin.
You won’t know some of the coins initially. But you will learn fast. If in doubt, watch someone who is good at this. Watch what coins they give to each person in each situation, and copy it.
Think of a bored waitress for example. What does she WANT? She wants a little distraction. In the form of a fun little statement, or game. Just give. Say, “Check out my new phone cover!” then turn it around to show something pink with a picture of a cow on it (I do not have this. I have Han Solo frozen in carbonite. Girls do not like this. But guys think it’s whacky. Choose the right coin for the right person).
Do you understand now why girls like that shit? It is their COIN. That’s why girl stuff is all pink with little pictures on it, like candy. Give them candy.
Don’t tell her she’s pretty – that’s YOUR coin. You get pleasure from telling girls they are pretty, because you get pleasure from feeling it. You can do that sometimes, but it’s not the general MO.
Don’t ask her her name or where she grew up or what her job is when first meeting her – that’s you trying to get coins from her. You have to give her some coins first in the form of a candy, a silly distraction, to get her transacting, then you can change the nature of the coin transactions as you go along and it develops naturally. And sex is just another transaction (sex for sex), but later on. Guys are trying to get the sex coin from her immediately, by giving her some coin they think will buy it. No. Give them the game (candy) coins first for free to get her transacting. There’s a natural progression.
“What does she WANT?” Bored waitress. Distraction candy game coin! (Give).
Then maybe when the time is right you start trading “getting to know you” coins. It’s all about when the time is right.
Remember: guys try to buy her sex coins immediately with what they think are their “provider” coins. Don’t! Give her the candy coins to begin with. And give them out a lot, for free, to many girls, all the time! Don’t want anything back at first! This is what abundance looks like. You have lots and lots of candy coins to give. Wherever you go, girl -> give her candy coin. If it goes somewhere or turns into a transaction, cool! Let it develop organically! If not, nothing lost, except some little candy coin that you have an unlimited supply of anyway!
What do masculine men want? Respect and “the nod”. That is the coin. What do more feminine men want? The gay guy serving at my local mini-market shop wants some distraction and to tell me he’s tired and to talk about his crazy weekend. The band guy wants to know you saw his band play and they were cool. These are their coins!
What do they WANT? Find out, give it to them!
You can tell a girl she’s pretty if she looks insecure about it. Like, she just had her hair cut, and you can tell she’s not sure about it (intuition, man – it grows the more of this you do!). “You look pretty! Have you just had your hair done?” Give her the candy. But not too much. 😉
Hot girl who knows she’s hot does not want to be told she’s hot. It’s not her coin. She wants an interesting distraction from the mundanity of the daily grind. Give her the candy coin. No strings attached. She bites, you start trading.
Every social situation has potential. Each person has their wants in the moment. True social mastery and charisma and the amassing of great love is to figure out what someone wants and GIVE IT TO THEM. Get completely out of the headspace of trying to take something. The more you give, the more they will give back anyway.
She wants you to kiss her. That is now her coin. You give the coin. And you’re getting the coin you want back at the same time. Sex is the ultimate coin-swap frenzy! Everyone’s winning jackpot, coins are flying out the machine.
Candy. Coins. Go out and give.