LSD: Aftermath

(Continued from LSD and the Siddhis.)

WetWaterDrop (a.k.a. James here on the blog) emailed me an update following his LSD trip. This is now the second time someone has ignored my advice to keep a stock of benzodiazepines (valium et al.) or, ideally, anti-psychotics, in order to terminate a bad trip if it happens — or even just to end an annoyingly long one. If you do not have sedatives to hand then you are really rolling the dice when you trip, as James found.

Robert Anton Wilson also recommends niacin (vitamin B3) to terminate a bad trip, which I have used to successfully end kundalini episodes but which I have not tested on LSD.

This is a longish trip report and my comments are at the end.

WetWaterDrop wrote:

I haven’t proof read this, just finished writing it, I’m kinda exhausted but wanted to put it together while I still remembered it all.

 

B. caapi + LSD

“Ayahuasca will bring you the experience she thinks you need, not necessarily the one you expect or desire.”

The only way I can describe this combination, based on my experience, is black magick.

This story begins a few months before the ingestion of this alchemy…

It starts with a Jaguar, the shaman symbol for drastic change.

A few months prior I ingested Ayahausca, the trip was mild with not much in way of noticeable effects. I’ve struggled with, at this point the idea of destiny.

I’ve been able to tune into the “source”, the source of creation of life will guide me, some might consider it a psychic phenomenon… Having this ability made me skeptical of free will. If the hand of god guides me, what’s the point of choice?

Is there choice? If there is why would you choose to do things contrary to the will of all things?

I wanted to experience my freedom, my sovereignty. I wanted the power to create my own experience and participate in a way I chose, not to be the pawn of a master plan but the king of my own.

When you take ayahausca, obedience to the plant mother is requirement. You listen and she speaks, she commands and you obey.

During this mild ayahausca experience, at one point I looked into the mirror, and my face shaped into that of an owls…

Later, I talked to the Jaguar – I wanted lessons, knowledge that I deemed appropriate for myself.

The jaguar recommended, since I desired so, make the demand of Ayahausca.

I did, and so the beginning of my journey begins.

 

Many months later I walked into my room, the light outside my window light up and I saw an owl sitting outside, I watched in fascination as the owl ate bugs, looked around and eventually flew off. During this time I remember trying to reach out and touch the owl with my consciousness. I thought it was so cool, that owl was so animated, so full of like and personality, I felt by just being allowed to watch it I had made a friend, I thanked nature for allowing me such a wonderful moment.

 

Anyway, down to the show.

I took the B caapi and LSD, I don’t know how much of either but I do know B caapi makes other things more potent.

I had a list of things written down I wanted to understand, it was as follows:

  • Parana
  • chakra
  • Siddhi
  • third eye
  • Om
  • Healing (I have a few phsycial injuries im still trying to work out)
  • consciousness seperate from the body
  • whatever the drug wants to show me
  • The link between dreams, visualizations, and physical reality
  • and rising above self sabatoge.

So those were the questions/experiences I had planned to get out of this trip.

I’m sitting at my computer sending out an email and everything starts to get real melty, like real real melty… I think “oh shit” I know this is just the start and it get stronger from here, I got tell my brother what I took as a just-in-case and tell him we should watch something humorous.

everything is getting melty and I am starting to feel real nausea, that can be from the b caapi and it will pass but it may have been from the lsd too, either way I’m sitting on the floor and it starts to get bad, everything is topsy turny, melty, mixed in with extreme pain and nausea.

I was on my knees bow’d down and I had a vision, mother eye came and from a brief instant wrapped her hands on my face, I felt warmth and I went “Oh, shes here” and with that she disappeared.

I’d walk outside try to vomit, didn’t work, so I’d just drink lots of Gatorade and water and try again, still won’t work. I’m feeling panic and it lots of pain while everything around me is melting when I close my eyes I get vision of a shadow realm I can’t make sense of.

It gets so bad at some point I go outside and, kneel face first in the dirt begging for mercy.

about 20 minutes and lots of Gatorade later I feel the purge, its been 4 hours so far of this shitty nightmare and this is by far the worst purge I’ve ever had, I projectile vomit while standing getting regurgitated Gatorade all over my arms and legs. Once im done I feel like a savage, a wild animal, I prance around for a bit before going and taking a shower, things seem less melty and the trip seems to be subsiding.

I feel energized, still kinda nausea’s but I want to walk outside so I do, as I’m walking thoughts and images are racing I can’t really make out. At some point the thought of suicide bombers comes up then the thought of the victims, and they’re loved ones, etc… It was too much, too overwhelming all the emotions ideas and pains all mixed in this melty world.

I go laydown in my bed, turns out the trip isn’t subsiding, its ramping up and I’m trying to figure out how to make it stop, I’ve begged every deity, guru, etc… I know to intervene and its just getting worse. Pain, my mind body and soul are just wrecked with pain.

I start getting torn from this world into a shadow realm, a dark black mixed with dark purple, than I’d end up back here but barely back here, the shadow realm seems to hold my attention better than the physical realm does and that has me worried, I feel like I’m going insane, that I’m about to be a cautionary tale. Ripped back and forth between the physical and the shadow I consider calling an ambulance, then the thoughts of medics, police, etc… and that I’d for sure end in the loony bin dosed up on anti=psychotics until I die.

That last part didn’t seem so bad, sitting nicely in a facility taking my pills to make sure I’m not taken by this nightmare.

I get up, and lay down, and pace, and lay down, and get, just a whirlwind of confusion.

One time, while walking in circles, I felt my lower 2 chakras start lighting up, they improved in speed and started to fill with energy – I knew what that meant and I used every bit of will power to shut that shit down, a burst of energy in this state for fry my whole being.

I remember being impressed with this body, this mind, and soul… If I had 00.01% less will power, less desire to hang out, it would have been over. The flexibility and persistence, the toughness of the human machine/consciousness that is this person, to me at that time, came off as very impressive.

I put on some music and laydown… and here comes the peek of my trip…

I close my eyes and, my body, my cells are just spasm in pain, on one half of my vision are LSD lights playing and pumping to the music, on the other half are creatures and minions from the  shadow realm focusing on me and trying to pull me in.

I remember what my friend Ed said about healing my body, which is breaking down the sensations with awareness, I try to do that but I’m to mind fuck’d by this carnival nightmare.

Eventually the LSD and B caapi combine wholly in my visual field. They start as small dots and grow, they balloon up until they disappear and repeat the process. It’s thousands of court jester animal demons of chaos all growing, ballooning and dissipating. I focus in and start to follow one of these balloons from birth to death and find that when it dies I automatically switch to my breathing, and follow it, the breath takes me threw my spine and into my heart up into my head, where it starts to take me to the shadow realm, I resist and go back to the visions, repeating this process. The pulsation of these creatures co-inside with nausea I’m feeling, and If I accept the sensation fully I don’t feel pain, if I resist I do.

Then I get a message, a crystal clear message, two of them actually.

One was this is chaos, this is being separate.

The other as this is Karma.

Karma, that message was deep and profound. I knew I took B caapi and LSD, and that choice let me here and It was 100% my responsibility. But there was a depth the message, that karma was all of my cells, and even deeper than the physical plane. In fact we are here in the physical so we can work out karma.

physical limitations are a gift, not a hindrance. The rules are in place for our benefit, so we learn and evolve with a rule set that allows to with safety and consistency. Without those things you could be swept up by chaos and lost to the tides of eternity.

Then I felt the shadow realm again, normally it pulls me and it feels like it pulls from the left side, but this time it sort of softly, slowly creep’d up into my vision from the right.

This time I focused in on it, I focused on the middle of my vision and started ascending upward, while all these eyes of predator birds watched me from the shadows… up and up I climbed until I was no longer in the physical, but in a vortex of shadow being circles my predator bird eyes. Their were strings of dark purple energy and I started to follow them, I followed two of them until they met in a point and the realness of what happened next shook me to my core.

There was a giant crash, the sounds of breaking glass, my journey ascending was stopped as the face of the God Owl starred at back at me, an angry predator bird dwarfing me by a thousand times in size, it only lasted about 2 seconds but the breaking glass sound was that dreams cape shattering, it call broke and shattered before me and I was back in the melty physical world.

Looking back, the owl stopped me from going too far.

Everything is still melty but I’m having a sense it might be ok.

So far this experience has been so bad I’ve redefined bad. My attitude towards life has always been very cavalry, as my mother once said I’ve never had a healthy sense of fear. I use to think I already had my worst drug experience and that was when I mixed DMT and DXM and felt the universe on the brink of extinction. What I’ve learned since is if you think its the worst thing it isn’t.

In order for it to be the worst thing you have to have the hope it will get better and the despair that It can worse from here still.

I’ve laughed off just about every single bad experience in my life, which I have lots. This time, this time my body didn’t feel like laughing… or so I thought… but I felt it, the sensation… the feeling in the bottom of my spine of a laughter… of a “I’d do it all again”… I had a moment of clarity, as tough and resilient as nature made this person that I am, hes out of his goddamn mind.

I lay down and put on some Sadhguru videos, hes my favorite Yogi and I’ve come to cherish his wisdom. I check his channel every day and there hadn’t been a video that morning but now there was a new one:

That seemed to sum my lesson, the synchronicity of the universe is very real.

By time I came down from the trip I felt violated, my mind body and soul were all exhausted, like I’d been beaten up and raped in a parking lot.

Its two days later that I’ve written this, I woke up and my bodies still has the shakes and im exhausted.

What I took away from this is hard to put into words, how I feel now. I realized that every action has a reaction, on the physical dimension and else ware. I also have a strange since of sovereignty and personal responsibility. A deeper understanding of karma, if you will… again hard to put into words.

Looking back that was a traumatizing, hellish event to go through, but me being me, it seems… I don’t seem to mind, and I feel like that should bother me.

Okay, well that sounds like a disaster.

Thoughts:

  • The B. caapi sounds like a mistake. LSD is already orally active – that drug would have added a hard edge to it. It probably amped up and prolonged the nausea, too. LSD can generate nausea but usually that passes after the first hour. It is actually better to take something pleasant/sedating such as tramadol or phenibut with LSD to take the edge off.
  • Sounds like you treated LSD more like an ayahuasca trip, searching for external visions and walking around etc. LSD is all about internal insight, and trips are best lying on a bed in a soothing atmosphere. LSD is also about revealing the subjective nature of reality (“you” being “the creator” – it’s all the same thing; non-duality etc.) rather than external systems such as spirit guides etc.
  • One’s ability to get the most insight and benefit from LSD is directly tied to one’s ability in concentration meditation. I recommend you attain a reasonable level in concentration meditation before tripping. Most of what went on sounds more like an inability to control the trip (LSD meditated on YOU rather than vice versa).

I have had very similar experiences to what you just described – but actually from just kundalini, and no drug in my system. It really is terrifying but there are benefits from such experiences – I hope they filter into your awareness over the next few weeks so you don’t feel this was unnecessary suffering.

For the record, I’ve only ever had pleasant trips on LSD (it does hit all the pleasure receptors) and so have most people I’ve asked.

As an educated guess, I would put your bad trip down mainly to the B. caapi.

“I’ve laughed off just about every single bad experience in my life, which I have lots. This time, this time my body didn’t feel like laughing… or so I thought… but I felt it, the sensation… the feeling in the bottom of my spine of a laughter… of a “I’d do it all again”… I had a moment of clarity, as tough and resilient as nature made this person that I am, hes out of his goddamn mind.”

You need to stop laughing it off. You need to see, with no uncertainty, that it is completely brutal and hellish – so you can truly decide to have something better.

You need to get to the point where you’re saying, “Well, no matter how bad things are, at least they aren’t as bad as THAT was” – sadly, it is only from such hell that true appreciation of the present moment can be born.

It is after such hell – being lost in the chaos of the cosmos – that one can begin to appreciate things like how nice the sensate world is. For example, before typing this, I looked out the window and saw a tree swaying in the breeze against a blue sky. I felt an opioid wash coming over me as I recognized the niceness in that scene. The purpose of hell is to illustrate the heaven we have here already.

By the way, the purpose of this Universe is to experience relationships. Thenceforth comes subject–object, causality as we know it etc.

WetWaterDrop wrote:

How did you ground yourself after your experience? During mine I had a small glimpse of hope that the drugs were going to wear off, and they did so I came down, but you didn’t have anything in your system to come down from.

Only thing I can think of is take a mud bath.

Cold baths/showers. Heavy foods. Masturbation. Walks in woods or other strong indicators of material reality.

Also, keep yourself socialized. Go to work. Get dug into routine.

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34 Responses

  1. dominicj says:

    I like wetwaterdrops posts on the forum, hope your not too shaken up by all this mate. And much like the craziness he described all I think when I read this is I want to take LSD again. Illuminatus you predicted the UK government would ban all the research chemicals in your post on 1-plsd. Since you’ve talked before about influencing reality can you right a comment declaring this will be overturned and I can buy some more? Haha this might be a long shot but fuck it

  2. James says:

    Yeah, I’m fine. Feeling better and better as each day goes by.

    I actually take Nician occasionally, and have a whole bottle , I took some the next day in fact, but we didn’t talk about that one.

    The reason I didn’t heed your advice on having that other stuff on hand is I really don’t trust that type of thing, I’ve been hurt bad by “professional” people in the medical industry and have a huge mistrust of it.

    I study copy-writing/persuasion, one reason I find this election so interesting, and had written down on one of my note pads “WRITE THE EXPERIENCE”. Which I read before my write up, but the meaning had a synchronicity to it (meaning, write the trip report, and write your own life experience, and finish writing my how to not get fucked by migrains guide).

  3. moviestar says:

    It’s B. Caapi that caused the violent vomiting and nausea. It’s the core ingredient of ayahuasca and intense cleansing is expected after ingesting it. On a physical level Caapi gets rid of parasites and cleanses your body from toxins. It’s amazing how good you will feel after a long purge, it’s a very good medicine (unfortuanately totally misunderstood by the west).

    Taking antidotes would have no effect on this, you’d just get shut off from higher planes of consciousness and you’d sit there feeling bad without any insight (DMT or LSD will give you insight on what you are actually purging – why these toxins were created in the first place). So I’d say good thing you went through it.

    I’ve been under the influence of ayahuasca for dozen of hours now in total, so I can say from experience. Your trip was fairly typical and it was beautiful. The lessons learnt are real and if you follow them now in your daily life, you can expect reality changing for much better. You’ll start feeling better. If you don’t I’d advise doing it again…

    If you want real changes and are serious about them – Ayahuasca is the way (and it is the best most guaranteed way). The reason I say it would be a mistake to take valium or niacin to end the trip is that – Ayahuasca needs to take hold of you for a couple hours in order to be effective.
    You need to have no escape.
    You need to break down.
    You will break down eventually given enough time.
    And that is a very very good thing.

    Your psychological constructs will fall apart one by one. And they are what is holding you back in life and from just enjoying it. You just have to be willing to drink the Medicine. James, you have my deep respect because it takes great courage to do what you did (although you didn’t know what was gonna happen :)).

    No amount of reading, “personal development”, meditation and insights will ever get you close to what ayahuasca does. The issue is that everyone of us is a bullshitter. And we all bullshit to ourselves. You can achieve Level 60 in meditation, be holy as fuck and emmanate pure rainbow light from your anus – still you are just bullshitting yourself. If you drink ayahuasca, this is going to get exposed. This being traumatizing is to be expected.

    Ayahuasca is a loving spirit and it doesn’t do you unnecesary damage, although it seems brutal. Notice that she was guiding you and how that actually gave you courage to push a little further. She taught you about karma… there’s no escaping what you encountered. This is the lesson. The shadow land is not some mystical realm “out there”. It is you.

    You cannot escape from yourself. Those realms aren’t there when you take LSD. They are with you all the time. You just can’t see them, but they manifest in your daily actions, thoughts, emotions, fears… in the little things. But underneath them is that big scary place. Now… it is only scary because you’ve decided for it be scary and painful. Magical things will happen if you bring up the courage to go there again and meet that owl and… pass it. The owl is a typical gate keeper, it is holding you back from your new life. You can think of it as a symbolic manifestation. It is not evil, it is your friend. Turn the fear into curiosity and check that for yourself. Meet it.

    The owl manifesting in your real life is a typical synchronicty that happens after an ayahuasca trip. All is good. She will work with you in your daily life too, if you tune in and let the messages come.

    That said I’d never want to take ayahuasca alone. I realized a long time ago that I can’t do certain thing alone. I am too weak to face everything myself and I need help. This is why I take ayahuasca and this is why I take it in a ceremonial setting only. The company and advice of other experienced seekers under the guidance of a shaman is what differentiates a traumatic bad trip from the most beautiful experience you will ever have. So if you can find a trusted shaman somewhere, I’d advise you to try it.

  4. James says:

    Yeah, I have a relationship with ayahausca already, I knew what the nausea was from.

    Most of my aya experiences I’m scared during them, but nothing like this.

    I certainly feel “purified” after that experience. Almost every night since then I’ve had panick attacks when I fall alseep, feeling like im floating away and not coming back… although they seem to be dying down.

    I’ve been to the shadow world before but it was actually pretty pleasant, this time around it was horrifc but thats mainly due to the pain my body was in.

    anxiety in my day-day life, frustration etc… is borderline none existent now.

    When I feel myself floating away at night, I may try to embrace it and see where it goes, but man it feels worse than dying.

    thanks for the reply moviestar, and thanks again Illuminatus for all your help.

    • Illuminatus says:

      With the “floating away” stuff are you being catapulted into what looks like outer space? Is there a star field?

      • James says:

        no it hasn’t gotten that far, its me literally just floating up and out of my body, with this sense of terror/panic. I don’t feel connected to my body at all when it starts to happen so I get scared ill float off and never come back.

        • Illuminatus says:

          It’s proper Dark Night stuff. Though if you stick with it and allow yourself to leave your body entirely you will end up in outer space with a star field. These are formless realms. If you then zoom in on one of the “stars” you can get close enough to study it and allow it to end whereby it explodes, reality disappears, then reality reappears. This is known as a Fruition and is what insight meditators are trying to achieve. What you are experiencing right now is kind of a “hack” to these late insight stages (which is why LSD can be dangerous without the right guidance at times). I get these realms from kundalini energy on its own.

          The outer space (Infinite Space) realm can also be turned into a vibration realms where everything is waves (Infinite Consciousness). If you want to explore these then they are available to you right now in this current “spaced out” state. Personally, since you are basically on the edge of that, I would advise going over the edge and experiencing them. They are more transcendent and insight-filled than any solid vision or spirit guide or whatever because you are dealing with fundamental reality and answers to, for example, wave/particle duality amongst other things.

          You WILL come back.

          However, be prepared to continue the “spaced out” feeling for another day or more after such an experience. If you choose to get that cub scout badge, then get into serious grounding activities afterwards.

          The Infinite Consciousness realm can be turned towards any fantasy situation you could ever dream of (and more). It is endlessly fascinating but I find it basically impossible to control to any serious degree as it is such a deviation from normal waking reality. It is more like being a universal creator entity. I do not enter these states regularly as firstly they are extremely difficult to enter and secondly they can be terrifying if you are not used to entering them. This sort of thing is one reason I tend to limit my jhana activities to 1–4 currently. Formless realms will leave me with that floating, disconnected feeling often for days afterwards.

  5. James says:

    I don’t space out during the day anymore and feel totally grounded.

    It happens about 5-8 times a night so far, when I nap during the day I’m fine.

    I’ll try and go with it and see whats up tonight.

  6. James says:

    I got just a hint of it once last night and tried to relax into the sensation, I ended up getting some sort of warm melty feeling and felt some muscle knots/facia release and then slept like a baby.

  7. Moviestar says:

    Illuminatus: have you done DMT? I’m wondering if you see a connection between what you call infinite consciousness wave realms and DMT trips.

    James: strange things happen to me at night for a week after ayahuasca too. My guess is that it’s connected to dmt production at night combined with the tuning aya does.
    I try to ground myself to get rid of it. Eat a lot, sugar, pizza, entertainment, watch comedies etc.

    • Illuminatus says:

      I haven’t tried DMT.

      Re being ungrounded, any drug that seriously fucks with neurotransmitters will cause that. I used to get sleep paralysis in the days following MDMA often — and sometimes dreams of the Succubus, too, which is a common reported experience. LSD definitely depletes the brain and the whole next day is typically a write-off, followed by decreased cognition and spaciness sometimes for days afterwards. B. caapi, being an ultra-powerful MAOI inhibitor, will no doubt achieve the same.

      By the way, I believe a lot of this effect is actually due to an INFLAMMATION response in the brain. Similar symptoms occur during fever and delirium. I actually believe much of the action of drug themselves during the trip is also a “poisoned” response.

      • Illuminatus says:

        And many of the effects of “kundalini” can also be put down to adrenal overload — many of the kundalini awakening symptoms actually match up with the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder! Adrenaline itself can cause wacky hallucinations and psychosis if loaded for long enough.

        • dominicj says:

          so if you managed to just produce enough adrenaline, you could experience kundalini?

          • Illuminatus says:

            Absolutely not. Kundalini is the conscious ability to activate and direct nerve current flow. One of the early stages of “kundalini awakening” is excess adrenaline; this is because the ability to control the currents is new and underdeveloped, so it is chaotic.

            So, kundalini can cause adrenaline, but adrenaline alone does not cause kundalini. Kundalini is cultivated through mindful practice of meditation/yoga.

  8. Vick says:

    I tried LSD again today with holding kundalini and magick in mind.

    It’s like there was this tiny “I” in that whole mess with his stupid magick and kundalini nonsense, eventually it turned into “whos asking what and why”.
    Occasionally an “I” popped and I tried pulling energy up the spine but, my spine and up got lost.
    At times it felt there was just music and visuals then “I” tried with all my might to yell MAGICK MAGICK KUDANILLI but it kept morphing into nonsense.
    Eventually “I” gave up and there were just sensations and visuals. I just forgot who I was and which reality is the real one again.
    It felt at times like I was against lsd and lsd doesn’t give a shit about an “I” and magick.

    • Vick says:

      There was no fear though and I would say the trip was positive.
      Somewhere in there I just focused on the left shoulder and neck and they do feel lighter so there’s that too.

      • Vick says:

        I honestly can’t understand how you have any control during the trip.
        I guess it just shows I got long ways to go concentration wise.

  9. Illuminatus says:

    The dissolving of the “I” was a good thing. The resistance/”bad trip” elements of LSD seem to come from the internal struggle to hold onto this sense of self as it dissolves before your very eyes.

    LSD is basically “free Arising & Passing Away” plus “free jhanas”. So, it is hacking you to the level of a mid-range yogi. The dissolution of the self is something directly undertaken in insight meditation. That LSD would just throw that at you, without warning or the years of training it ordinarily takes to get to that level of insight, is the cause of the disturbances during the trip.

    If you were to take it again your strategy should be to not attempt to control the trip whatsoever. Let it do its work. I believe the relinquishing of control allows LSD to give real insight.

    The “I” disappears then comes back in a new form. Letting the old self die so it may be reborn is what all the “bad trip” stuff is about. You should get to the bit where it feels like the “I” is slipping away from you, and let it go, then stay in that no-self state for a long time. This is equivalent to staying in jhana for an extended period during which there are few formations associated with the sense of self. It is conditioning the mind to attach less to the concept of a permanent, stable self.

    The thing about wanting siddhis is that the old self who doesn’t believe he can have the things he wants has to die. It’s rarely a pleasant experience, though established systems such as vipassana, jhana, and kundalini (with solid guidance from a teacher) can make the transition easier.

    Ability to achieve goals through LSD relies on two things:

    1) Concentration. Ability to retain mental control during the trip is directly proportional to concentration meditation skill.

    2) A framework for navigating the transition (death of old self and rebirth). I use the vipassana Stages of Insight model for this. This has two benefits. The first is that it provides a map of the territories you will pass through on the road to Fruition (death and rebirth). So, if you’re currently terrified (Fear) you know you will soon be moving into Misery, then Disgust, at some point reaching Equanimity and finally Fruition. So, you know that whatever stage you’re in, it’s just transitory. The second benefit is that, during the negative experiences of the dukkha territories, you have a method to perceive the experiences so they have less hold over you (see the Three Characteristics in each experience). This is the main vehicle for moving through them.

    “It felt at times like I was against lsd and lsd doesn’t give a shit about an “I” and magick.”

    What happens is you have asked yourself to move from X beliefs to Y beliefs and the LSD is a tool which shows you all the blocks currently in the way. It will manifest those blocks as perceptual experiences. You just have to keep noticing the impermanence in those blocks to let them pass.

    I don’t think this method is for everyone. LSD is one sure way to bring up your “stuff” — and you need to have some sort of framework for navigating that stuff when it manifests.

    • Illuminatus says:

      Control of the trip = concentration skill
      Knowing when to let go of control and let the trip run its course = insight

  10. Vick says:

    “You should get to the bit where it feels like the “I” is slipping away from you, and let it go, then stay in that no-self state for a long time. ”
    At some point I remember giving up and just going with it and all there was are just the visuals from the music and sensations from the body combined with no observer.

    I think my problem was that I lost awareness, I remember the trip in bits here and there and it isn’t vivid, so that’s probably due to lack of concentration skills or maybe fatigue.
    It’s like I used to meditate before, falling into dullness and when I came to having no idea what I’ve been doing.
    On the first trip I’m pretty sure I fell asleep or just blocked the experience because I was scared.

    “Ability to achieve goals through LSD relies on two things:”
    During the trip my goals and me just dissolve, I just forget who I am, what it is that I want to do and at some points, when it come up, I’m genuinely not sure I should do it for “him”(me). I remember having the thought, making life more magickal, then it followed by doubt “should I really do this for him?”
    It was more pronounced during the first double dose trip, this time I kinda snapped out of it and yelled YES! in my head.

    I’ll try again in a few months after more meditation practice and read up on the vipassana stages before the trip.
    Just a question about setting, should I use music? there’s construction and traffic noise outside and it really messes up the trip, and when I used ear plugs during the first trip I got those insanity loops from weird internal sounds.
    I put shamanic music and forest sounds on youtube and the trip just follows it, there was a different me for every part of the song.

    • Illuminatus says:

      “During the trip my goals and me just dissolve, I just forget who I am, what it is that I want to do and at some points, when it come up, I’m genuinely not sure I should do it for “him”(me). I remember having the thought, making life more magickal, then it followed by doubt “should I really do this for him?” ”

      That’s exactly the sort of internal inquiry that should be taking place during the “transition” phase (to the new reality). You should allow it. During this phase the mind will explore a multitude of different realities and repercussions of the desire manifesting. LSD allows this to happen multidimensionally, compared to the waking state which does it linearly via the thinking mind.

      IF this exploration of potentials gives you reason to believe you should NOT pursue the new path, you should honour that.
      If however a “yes” decision is reached, that will become evident and soon after the trip you will receive a “sign” in your reality showing you that you are on the new path.

      “Just a question about setting, should I use music? there’s construction and traffic noise outside and it really messes up the trip, and when I used ear plugs during the first trip I got those insanity loops from weird internal sounds.
      I put shamanic music and forest sounds on youtube and the trip just follows it, there was a different me for every part of the song.”

      I tend to do it without music, without anyone else in the house. But I live in a quiet, secluded area. I recommend you do it in whatever situation makes you most comfortable!

  11. Vick says:

    That makes sense, I guess some part of me isn’t sure yet, although I have stuff I’m thinking about manifesting and it made me much more careful with my thoughts.
    Thanks for the answers, I’ll give it another shot in a couple months.

    • Illuminatus says:

      It might take a while to “learn the language of LSD”. But then the messages and what to do with them become clear.

      Reading MCTB, especially the bits on nonduality, helped me a lot.

      • Vick says:

        Will do.
        So far I got
        “I’m in my own way” – although I don’t remember what lead to this.
        “my right is fighting the left” – which I do understand, I got lumps and blocks at different locations on both sides and the body feels unbalanced, I’m already working on this by the kiss method and stretching.

        In other news looks like the Clintons are into sorcery, I wonder if their contracts with a couple demons ran out or it’s just karma catching up to them.

        • Illuminatus says:

          I stopped the psychic attack on Hillary when I realized it was feeding her.

          Instead I turned to the brahmavihāras and began transmitting mettā for world peace.

        • Illuminatus says:

          I also recommend you abandon bodywork efforts while on LSD. Concentrate on mental experiences instead. LSD gives hugely enhanced internal views of the body but this can be frustrating as it shows you just how much work you have left to do.

          Andy Hutchison has reportedly made a breakthrough with his bodywork practice and will be discussing it with me on Skype shortly. Then I’ll do a report and hopefully we’ll have the solutions to that.

          • Vick says:

            Huh I would be surprised if she wasn’t an occultist. Feeding off an attack is impressive too.

            “Andy Hutchison has reportedly made a breakthrough with his bodywork practice and will be discussing it with me on Skype shortly”
            Awesome waiting for it!

          • Kautilya says:

            Hello,

            How come you have so much respect for LSD as a means of insight – but not a lot on Ayahuasca which is a true Plant Medicine – and from what I know…. FAR beyond LSD.

            Don’t take that as an attack on your models or methods.

            Thanks

  12. James says:

    Watching the Magnificent 7 the Character “goodnight” mentioned being follow’d by an owl. I looked into it and found an explanation about the Hatian owl god, Marinette – who can free people from bondage or enslave them (aka Karma).

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marinette_(Vodou)

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