Personal Power Meditation

Hello everyone, I'm Felix, aka Monk Bro or Bro Monk, whichever you like. I'm 19 years old. Been practicing meditation for like 2,5 years and been wanting to become a monk for 1,5 years. I have zero desire left to gain or posses material stuff so becoming a monk will be freaking cool. There are indicators for me having been some sort of buddhist in a past life, I feel very at home with buddhist ideas of renunciation, dispassion and stuff. I don't want to show off or brag, I'll let my posts determine my worth.

But since everyone love talking about jhanas and stream entry I'll just say that I'm pretty sure I have experienced both of those, but I'm not sure. All I know is that my suffering has never gone under a certain threshold. No mater how hard I've tried to punish myself (old habit) I've never really gotten depressed like I used to. I never sink like I used to. It's all thanks to meditation and buddhism. I hope I can help others in the same direction as I've taken.

Know that I've brainwashed myself with LSD while listening to dhamma talks by Ajahn Brahm to program my brain into adopting a Thai Forest Tradition perspective of things. Since I've decided to become a monk I've left no room for doubt in that letting go of craving is the one and only way to reach true happiness. Everything else is secondary.

I still have fun and I chill with my boysTM on a regular basis. I smoke weed and do LSD occasionally (never again at the same time) and very seldomly drink alcohol (devil juice). Weed is useless afaik but it's an old habit and all my friends smoke so it's lingering. I try to make good use of the rewiring nature LSD has on the brain/conciousness. You become sensitive to your intentions and you can see things on a much clearer and nit picky level. It's been useful for me in my meditation, social life and life in general. Alcohol can fuck off :p.

I have a lot of thoughts that I want to share but not a lot of time. But hopefully I can be a part of this community. Having friends that meditate feels awesome, I don't have any in real life.

One thing that probably few others have experience with is headaches during/because of meditation. I have overcome lots of headaches. I used to have them in every sit, now maybe 30%. I think it has to do with too strong will, self sacrifice/punishment but ultimately just delusion, nothing that can't be worked with. Anyone who has trouble with headaches can contact me and we can work with it together over time or something.

I realise I can say a lot about myself and my ideas on practice and buddhism in the west, so and so forth but I don't where to start and where to finnish so if you want to know more stuff then ask.

I used weed for two things:

1) To develop synaesthesia. So, intend to acquire the skill, smoke the weed, then look into the body via body scanning and you might begin to see the nerves and other internal structures. This internal mapping then allows energy pathway work and other work in future. Robert Anton Wilson/ Timothy Leary are right about weed being the activator for Circuit V - The Neurosomatic Circuit (body consciousness).

2) To grasp the basics of magick (intention-manifestation) in real time. I did this via intentional hallucinations. So, sit and smoke weed while looking at a cloudy sky. "Will" to see lightning. Notice how a feeling arises that blocks your intention. "Integrate" this feeling by meditating on its sensations till it disperses. The lightning hallucination appears in the sky. This taught me that to create a change in "actual reality" you do the same; create the intention then sit and meditate on the arising block, which is the sum of the differences between the current state and the goal state. The change will manifest in actual reality at some point in the future (often immediately depending on your skill/ the nature of the intention).

I figured all this stuff out just by fucking around with things. I hadn't read any books on anything when I was playing with this stuff. I have since come across entire traditions (e.g. Western Esotericism) giving essentially the same instructions.

Other than these things, I find weed too strong an activator of paranoid psychosis. I have never felt good from it, and never take it.

Anyway, I'm a bit bored so just thought I'd write some stuff.

Cool stuff. I just thought this morning about how I was amazed the first few times I smoked how weed opened up my world view and gave me better perspective on things. I had completely forgotten about that aspect because I've smoked for so long and it never has that effect on me anymore. Now it just dumbs me down, brings up fear and lust. In that order I think because it might shake your sense of self, while confusing you, then that brings up fear which makes you crave sense pleasure to escape the unpleasantness of fear. I wonder what happens when an arahant smokes weed. I'll try those things next time I smoke weed alone. Which may or may not happen.

Yeah writing stuff here won't hurt since some activity won't hurt :p.