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Author Topic: AJM's Introduction  (Read 26714 times)

AJM

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Re: AJM's Introduction
« Reply #135 on: September 07, 2013, 10:04:00 AM »
Since my last post I've been able to make progress with all three areas I mentioned. Not by leaps and bounds but progress nonetheless.

In terms of meditation I've focused on meditating on the internal talk/sound part of thought. The "Small self" as described by Shinzen Young in "Five ways to know yourself" comprises of the visual thought, sound element of thought, and emotional feelings felt in the body.

Previously my assumption was that visual thought leads to emotinal feelings and that is correct, but it's not the start of the chain for me. No matter how much I would stuff thought down (look through overlays or whatnot), thoughts would always pop back up. What I found that internal talk/sound has a fundamental role in this.

For me it goes like this. Internal talk -> visual thought -> emotional feelings and on the flipside when I meditate on internal talk/sound (which can be found and felt as a tension between the ears) and when I release that tension and internal talk goes quiet my body relaxes and when my body relaxes my visual thought relaxes so in terms of restful states the chain goes like this: Internal talk/sound rest -> body feel rest -> visual thought rest.

As a result of this practice I've found increasingly that all those systems are at rest even during my day to day activities. It's like there is no "me" in there. There are no visual thoughts, no internal talk and no emotional feelings in the body yet I'm functioning and acting in the world. I guess if I would be really at unease about this it could what is called "the pit of the void" by some meditation teachers. It's not something that is going on all of the time e.g. right now I have internal talk, but a lot of the time it's not there.

My body is also very relaxed at times like these. There is none of that tension in the psoas muscle associated with stuffing thoughts down or anything like that.

I have other things to discuss, but I guess I will write another post as this is getting really long.
Mainly analogy of mind/body as a set of asynchronous processors.

AJM

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Re: AJM's Introduction
« Reply #136 on: September 07, 2013, 01:41:06 PM »
I'm a software developer by profession so I guess that's why this analogy came to me, but I think it's quite fitting. If you think about it the brain has evolved over millenia and there many parts or circuits in there working together. So it's not really any "one thing", but more like a set of asynchronous processors working together the attentional "conscious" process being one of them.

Let me describe what an asynchronous processor is first. (You can also check out this wikipedia article, but it's quite technical http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asynchronous_circuit) Basically it comprises of an input queue, the logical processor part which may make calls to other asynchronous processors and also sends out the response to a request.

Other processors may push requests to the input queue with a certain priority (low, medium, high.. etc) and those requests will be processed in priority order.

The logical processor part processes the request an may or may not be able to provide a response. If it's not able to provide a response it may determine that it needs to send out a request to another asynchronous processor with some added information to be processed. After a request has traversed through a number a processors eventually there will be enough information for the last processor to be able to process it and provide a response upstream.

When thinking about the mind/body these requests may come from e.g. from the thinking mind or from environmental stimulus. Those requests needing the attention of the "conscious" process will pop into consciousness and consciousness may also push down requests to the unconscious processes. After a certain time of processing a response may pop back up.

I think quite a few things make sense when mind/body is viewed from this perspective. For example people using distraction to ward off against unpleasant thoughts feelings. People may use enterntainment to push requests for these processors with higher priority so the requests yielding unpleasant responses will not be processed for a while.

Another thing is what I have been doing recently is keeping the thinking mind at rest so then the lower priority operations should get processed and stop clogging the system when you're not pushing down requests with high priority all the time. Garbage in garbage out.

As I described in my last post I have come to place where my thinking mind/emotional body is mostly at rest so now it would be a good time to figure out what would be the beneficial requests to start pushing down for those processors. :) My plan is to look into to "Nurture positive" aspect of Basic Mindfulness by Shinzen Young.

AJM

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Re: AJM's Introduction
« Reply #137 on: September 07, 2013, 01:52:28 PM »
One last post for today. :)

I think meditation is mostly about freeing up your conscious mental resources for whatever is the most important. These resources are finite and if you're using them to combat arising anxiety and to stay in good mood etc.. you're not really able to observe what is going on.

For example, when socializing you may use these resources to build pleasant or encouraging mental images so that your anxiety will go down and you will be percieved well by other people, but this has the downside that it's hard to work to keep this going and if you really want to do something else you will not be able to keep it up.

Lately when going out I've just used all my mental resources to study what is going on and responding to that a bit like what Illuminatus described in some post yesterday.

I'm sometimes a bit worried though since my emotional system is totally at rest. I talk with some people and there is no emotion, the good thing is though there is no anxiety either.

AJM

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Re: AJM's Introduction
« Reply #138 on: September 14, 2013, 09:58:40 AM »
I read about Illuminatus starting to write a journal again and thought it might give me some focus. I've been writing a journal at times, but not recently and now I've started again.
So I adjusted my approach to end my morning meditation sessions with some loving kindness + focus mostly through thought image space + body feel space on what I want to achieve that day and how do I want to feel doing it.

This has been a great success in keeping me focused during the day. None of that sensation of being "lost" anymore.


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