A WEEK WITH SLEAZY
I was expecting Sleazy to have at least some arrogant traits, considering his position as the world's top womanizer. In fact, he was fresh off the plane from a week in Stockholm where he'd just been caught by a club bouncer in the women's toilets of a club with his dick in a girl's mouth. However, I was happy to find that Sleazy is the nicest, most grounded guy I ever met. In fact, I am pleased to call him one of my best friends after this week.
The following report is what I learned which I am able to share on the board, although I did learn a lot more about life in personal conversations which obviously I cannot share.Meditation/Spirituality
Sleazy is 32 and has been meditating since 16. So he has 16 years of meditation experience under his belt. This has given him some special powers. Firstly, he can clear his mind at will
, with a simple blink. Meditation has also taught Sleazy not to be fazed by anything. He appears to walk around in a bubble of safety, and looks at the world as an impartial observer. He credits these abilities to the simple meditation practice he has employed daily for the last 16 years.
He only uses one meditation, which is actually the same meditation I started off with before getting sidetracked by things such as the Eight-Circuit Model, using meditation for personal power, and the occult. The meditation he uses is simply sitting in the lotus position and watching the breath. He can easily sit for an hour or longer like this. He experiences many of the same things I have experienced, except he gets them consistently
from so much practice.
We did some meditation sessions together, although I am not flexible enough to do the lotus. I am working on that currently by daily stretching. This is the order of events I observed in this simple meditation however, just from sitting in a chair:
1) Distraction, both physical (itching, discomfort) and mental (thoughts and feelings gripping you). Just return attention to the breath, always. You may have to return attention to the breath 100 times before this phase settles down. But that is what you have to do, so do it.
2) Becoming the observer of thoughts rather than the "thinker" of thoughts. This occurred for me after around 5 minutes. It will take longer for beginners. At this point you can see the stream of thoughts but are not controlled by them. Continue focusing on the breath to remain in this phase.
3) Thoughts ending. This occurred for me after another 5 minutes. I am returned to a womb-like state of only consciousness, where breathing is the only thing I am aware of, and I feel at complete peace with no thoughts. I could have sat like this for a long time.
Sleazy then told me two additional levels of mastery after this "beginner's phase". First is the ability to clear your mind at will. He is so well-practised at meditation, that he can blitz through to the third state just from sitting in the lotus. He considers this ability the first phase of mastery. The second phase of mastery is then sitting in this state until events begin taking place in the mind-body which are difficult to describe, but include oneness (feeling the boundary of the body fading away so that consciousness appears to merge with everything in reality), synaesthesia (experience of all sensory representations simultaneously) and energy events (which I attribute to neurotransmitter release, particularly opioids) which lead to bliss states and total emotional stability. Sleazy is serenely calm and attributes this to entering these states daily.
I had seen these latter states before and they formed the basis of much of my writing, particularly on creating self-generated bliss states. However, what was lacking was simple daily practice. This has now shown me that daily practice is the gateway to achieving these states consistently and at will.
I now have a daily meditation schedule and this meditation is the only thing on it. It is also the only meditation I will be endorsing officially for the foreseeable future.
The reason this meditation wins out over, say, chanting or using some other external stimulus, is that this is portable and can be done with no special knowledge. You can literally do this meditation anywhere, any time. Practice just makes it even quicker and more effective, like building a muscle you can use whenever you need to.Breathing
He gave me a basic breathing guide which we all should know but probably do not practise as often as we should. Breathing should be diaphragmatic, slow, and regular. In fact, when out and about, I even believe that you should only
focus on your breathing, even whilst doing some task.
For example, I went out with Sleazy and spent the day in town with some friends (Bliss was there actually). During this time I only focused on my breath. Breathing from the diaphragm gives some amazingly powerful neurotransmitter releases, particularly opioids
. Socializing also became a lot smoother because I was not thinking
about it, just doing
it. I had no anxieties. If I was experiencing anxiety, I knew that I wasn't focusing on my breathing. By returning to focusing on my breathing, the thought-emotion chain of anxiety was broken. I could exit any problematic mental states within seconds of returning to my breathing.
For big problems, Sleazy gave me a simple technique: take 5 deep, slow breaths. Actually count them as you do it. This will take you something like 40 seconds to complete. It moves your attention away from the problem and makes you feel great also. He actually taught me this while playing chess, when I asked him: "How can I clear my mind and get perspective on this next chess move?" (as you might know, chess forces you to hold many mental concepts at once, and this can become overwhelming and affect your judgment if you do not regularly clear your mind, especially between turns). He gave me this 5-breath technique and I ended up beating him in the two games we played, even though he is a good chess player. In fact, this was another thing I learned from his stay: I am quite good at chess -- I just didn't know it. I was rushing things before. Now I have learned to slow everything down, and am even consistently beating the computer on a high level. I applied this simple principle to life also: Slow it all down. Take the urgency out of what you do.
Sleazy has given me a lot of confidence in many areas, and he is one of the best mentors I have had.Yoga
Sleazy taught me several yoga poses and I now perform them regularly every day, especially when I first wake up, in order to make myself feel good and clear my mind. I also use the poses to clear back pain brought on by computer use. The poses he taught me were Warrior, Mountain, Tree and a few others which I forget their names.
Yoga is now on my "daily essentials" list along with meditation -- particularly upon waking, and before going to bed.Women/Seduction
Sleazy only does dance floor game. In fact, I did not see him open a single set verbally. He finds girls he likes, and grabs them and does some moves. If they don't like him, they will pull away and he will simply move on and find another girl. He has no attachment to "sets" for this reason. When he finds one who gives him some positive feedback, he will kiss them as soon as possible. I saw him kissing many girls in this way, and fingering at least one girl on the dance floor within seconds of meeting her.
This brought a whole new awareness to me of seducing women. While I did not do the dance floor thing in the same way (I do not know any moves, and this is something I hope to correct soon by attending salsa or something similar), I found that the same principles apply regardless of your style of "game": approach, find out if she likes you, if she doesn't then move on to someone who does. There is more than one way to skin a cat, but the connecting basis of any successful pickup is getting the girl's attention followed by positive sexual escalation. Even if you are a talker, you should still do this as soon as possible, and simply cut your losses if she's not interested. There are hundreds of girls out there on any given night out, so why get hung up on one? Many of those girls are actively looking to fuck guys, which makes your job all the easier. This is an extremely efficient way to find the girls who already like you and who are interested in meeting guys.
Understanding these simple principles has changed my whole perspective on seduction. Positive action. Remember that.
Sleazy is also somewhat misogynistic. He sees women as essentially very emotionally driven and incapable of rational thought and action as a consequence. He has given up on finding the "perfect girl", and prefers to play the hand which has been dealt by reality. For example, he has pulled too many girls with boyfriends/fiancés/husbands, and also had similar things done to him, to the point whereby he has no faith in a woman's loyalty, and therefore does not play the game with female loyalty as a reliable factor. We have all been there too, if we have had relationships, so the real question is: what is the point of monogamous relationships? Sleazy believes that women are there to be fucked, and that seeking reliable, hassle-free companionship in a woman is destined to fail: better to spend time with your male friends for that, or buy a dog. Sleazy is 32 and does not live in delusion, instead preferring to simply refer back to his own massive experience with women and relationships to make his decisions. He therefore enjoys maintaining a few "fuck buddies" as his preferred model of relationships. He says that you can enjoy the same intimacy with your fuck buddies, but without the hassle.Nights Out
Sleazy does not drink or do any drugs at all. On a night out, he is there only for one reason: girls. He gauges a bar or club based on 2 factors: 1) how many girls are in there and 2) vibe. In this way, he is very methodical in choosing the venues, and we would continually change venue if one was lame.
Learning about the vibe in a venue was perhaps the most eye-opening for me. In the past, I had been going to clubs, paying the £5 cover to get in, then becoming attached through having paid to be there. Nottingham is a severely working-class/underclass town, and this would often lead to me staying in venues surrounded by aggressive drunk guys. In the past I had felt that this was "my fault" -- i.e. I still had "social anxiety" or something to work through. I now have learned that it is often far easier (and better) to simply move on and find a better venue. Through this methodical approach to venue selection, based on vibe and number of girls, I learned to find several venues that were "my vibe" and where I could have a good time and meet better people. I now have a list of places I can visit in Nottingham on specific nights. One funny thing about venues is that it's not just the venue that matters -- it's also what night of the week you go on. E.g. we found one venue which was fantastic on a Thursday, but was absolutely shit on a Friday. What changed? Simply different crowds went there on different nights. Choosing your crowd is imperative for having a good night out.
Sleazy told me that other countries in Europe, e.g. Sweden and Germany, are far more friendly and you see far less of the drunken alpha male posing you do in this hell-hole called the UK. I am now actively looking at moving countries to get away from the standard atmosphere of drinking and violence of the UK.
To think I had spent all this time thinking I was "broken", and had started to hate nights out, simply because of the bad crowds I was surrounding myself with.Looks, Fashion and Money
Sleazy does not place much focus on trying to convince women to sleep with him through his words, á la Style/Mystery. His main tool in this respect is improving one's looks and fashion. He took me around town and picked out lots of new clothes for me and some new shoes. Sleazy believes that building a good look is far more important for attracting women than working on the words you say to them. I found this to be very true. When wearing tight t-shirts which show off my muscles for example, I would get many more women actually coming over to me, dancing near me, and even opening me. Improving your looks is the #1 way to improve your success with women, and it should never be overlooked. Sleazy says that his main gripe with the seduction community is that "game" is supposed to be the "great leveller". He says this is not the case. The most basic things such as looks and positive sexual escalation should be the main tools in your toolbag. This is completely true in my opinion.
Sleazy also says that you should play to your strengths and go for women who are like you, and that if you are not rich, you are not likely to be fucking supermodels, simply because you won't be able to even get access to their circles without money, and that you won't be able to provide the options available to them that rich guys can. Sleazy has a rich friend who invited him to hang out in exclusive clubs in St. Tropez. He said the models have security guys with them, and you cannot even talk to them unless they like you from afar and tell their bouncers to let you past the cordon into the VIP area. Inside the VIP, the rich guys are saying things such as "You should come to New York with me", showing that they have money without explicitly saying "I'm rich; fuck me". Bottom line is, you are going to be pulling women who are already in your scene, so do not buy into pickup industry hype about being able to pull any woman despite what you look like or what your financial situation is. Luckily, your scene will indeed have many girls to choose from, so this is about playing to your strengths rather than fighting battles you cannot win.More on Being Grounded in Reality
Sleazy is very grounded in reality. Even though he is a master meditator, he left me with one important insight, which I had slowly been realizing myself.
Meditation is touted by gurus as the solution to all of life's problems. If you can just "detach", you won't care.
What they do not tell you however is that they are not playing the game of life. These guys are often meditating, alone, on mountains or in temples.
Life hurts. Even if you have the greatest outlook on life, if you are playing the game of life, you are going to experience suffering. Relationships with women are one such example -- you will be emotionally hurt for sometime after a breakup despite your ability to meditate or apply other personal development principles. Your meditation can help you move beyond such trauma, but there are simple truths about life which, if you are playing the game, you are going to experience and which are going to hurt you. Therefore there is always a battle between your rational mind and your emotions. Emotions can pull you into and keep you in situations far longer than is healthy for you, e.g. certain relationships, or careers, or whatever. Meditation can speed your recovery from such things, and cement the insights you take from them. However, often you must rely on your rational judgments about situations and follow them, even if they hurt.
So life hurts, and there is no secret to avoiding this, other than simply not living. Sleazy is existentialist, and believes that "life is absurd". He believes that whatever we do does not really matter, so therefore find what you like doing, and get as much enjoyment from it as possible. Also, find what you don't enjoy, and stop doing that.
Sleazy admires people who choose to end their own lives, and told me that he does not intend to live as a vegetable. When he has seen enough of the world, and his options for enjoyment are limited (e.g. old age), he will end his own life. That resonated with me as I have felt the same things. While that sounds like a negative note to end on, it really isn't. This perspective again comes from his solid grounding in reality, and his trust in his own judgments.Further Reading
Sleazy's commercial book is available here: Sleazy Stories
He also offers a free e-book describing in more detail some of what I have written above, here: Debunking the Seduction Community
Finally, his blog and forum are available here: http://www.aaronsleazy.com