The End of Social Anxiety

Author Topic: Neurotransmitters and emotions  (Read 1583 times)  Share 

ryanh

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Neurotransmitters and emotions
« on: December 14, 2009, 04:55:42 AM »
This website I found yesterday is incredibly enlightening.  I'm not gonna write about everything I learned from it, but it's helped me understand so many things about emotions and sex that I suggest you read it, and even the other articles on the site [before or after you read my post; shouldn't matter]:

http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain

We don't technically want sex for sex's sake; we want it for the chemicals it gives us (mostly dopamine.)

I have a fuck buddy here in the dorms, and there's been nothing stopping me from getting other girls, but I haven't had the drive to do so (or to sleep with my fuck buddy, actually.)  I was thinking that I wanted a girlfriend, but I realized after reading that article that I've just been low on oxytocin.  I've been craving female affection; wanting to cuddle, talk, hang out, etc.

After realizing that--that sex itself wasn't what I was craving--I became much less "needy".  Tonight I called up some girls I knew, telling them my story:  That when I came to the dorms I thought I'd want a bunch of fuck buddies, but actually I just want girl friends to hang out with, talk to, and be affectionate with.   I have several "leads" in that regard but only was able to talk with one of them (voice mail for the others =P).  She said she is missing the same thing [isn't everyone?], so we're gonna hang out in that romantic way.  I can't wait...  And I feel much more satisfied.  (I bet it leads to sex, though, because we've flirted, I know I'm sexually attractive physically, and when I'm in that affectionate, loving mood, my personality becomes sexy.  Conversely, though, I don't care if it leads to sex at all, because I just want to be happy, not get laid.  And according to that article, sex can actually have detrimental effects on your mood, so I definitely don't think of it as a "magic happiness pill" anymore.)

I remember reading pickup stuff (I know most of it is retarded) and getting the impression (from 60 years of challenge) that to have female affection you have to give them sex and stuff...  That put me on the track to being a sleazy guy with anger towards women.  And as you might know, the name for a guy who hangs out with a girl he's not screwing is 'orbiter'.  Well, that stuff is obviously stupid.  I actually went through this once before, but I'd forgotten about it: At the beginning of this last summer, I'd been chasing girls, but I had no social life because all my friends had moved out of town.  I emailed some old acquaintances and we started hanging out...  Greatest summer in a long time, even though I only had sex once all through it.  (I wasn't chilling with single girls at all.)
Keep those neurotransmitters balanced...

That article is changing the way I view the world...  I don't do things for the experiences themselves; I chase the feelings they give me in the forms of neurotransmitters.  And doing things that give you those neurotransmitters is better than doing things that give you "objective success".

It's now my goal to have the affectionate experience with girls rather than sex.

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Neurotransmitters and emotions
« on: December 14, 2009, 04:55:42 AM »

Illuminatus

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Re: Neurotransmitters and emotions
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2009, 06:34:07 AM »
Hey player,

I started noticing these exact things myself this summer. I first noticed it after fucking a really hot girl and realizing the effects were identical to taking a massive line of coke. That was when I first drew the link between sex and dopamine.

Dopamine = lust
Oxytocin = "love" (affection)

All sexual relationships start with that absolute JOLT of dopamine - "I HAVE to have her". This is the dopamine addiction that gets you both to fuck enough to conceive a child. The dopamine response diminishes after the first few months' fucking between two people (the "honeymoon period"). After this, oxytocin takes over as the main addiction - you crave each other's company, and anchor each other as the source of oxytocin. Oxytocin addiction is love: withdrawal from oxytocin is what causes the anxiety which constantly makes you think of the other person when they are not there.

Meanwhile you can continue your oxytocin addiction with one person while redeveloping your dopamine craving for other people. This leads to affairs. Notice how people can have affairs yet still "love" the person they are cheating on. This is because addictions to 2 drugs are at work: Oxytocin for the person you "love", dopamine for the others you "lust".

Knowing all of this helps before you get into relationships, but this knowledge does NOT ease the addiction problem once you have entered full-blown addiction.

This knowledge is for helping you manage your relationships so they do not become addictions.

Right now, I am heavily addicted to my partner. She is going back to her own country for Christmas and I am already feeling withdrawal. Like any drug withdrawal it hurts like hell, and the only choice I have is to find equanimity with the pain till the addiction is gone.

This, from my previous personal experience, takes 1.5 weeks on average.

Does the whole idea that we are slaves to our chemistry scare you? Good, it should.

ryanh

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Re: Neurotransmitters and emotions
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2009, 07:54:56 AM »
All that is true, but you don't have to stay addicted.  I'm going to aim for a more balanced neurochemistry...  I don't know about sustaining from orgasm, but if it would be like being high constantly, then I might do it.  The article gave me the perspective of seeing all my moods as completely chemical, which I like.  Understanding it should help me control it, as well as keeping me from getting confused about the causes of negative moods.

I don't mind not masturbating (yet, haha.)  Avoiding orgasm in sex might be a good idea; according to that website, that's what Tantric sex is based around, and it promotes overall a more spiritual sexual experience...  I can definitely see that:  Remember rolling on E or speed, and having fun just being sexual without having sex?  Honestly it seems like it would be impossible not to cum if you are inside a girl and haven't orgasmed in weeks.  There's more info on that kind of sex on that website, but I haven't read it.

"Orgasm neediness" is not so good.  But sex for its own sake, sometimes with orgasms, is good, I guess.  It seems so unnatural in our culture to fuck without anyone cumming.  I'm just gonna see what happens now that I have more awareness of brain chemistry, what it influences us to desire and do, and how we can influence it.  I'll also try not to masturbate.  Like I said, not chasing sex has somehow enhanced my opportunities for it, but when it happens I'm gonna set aside the whole orgasm-chasing style of sex that we're used to, and try something different.

Plus, I'm definitely addicted to high levels of dopamine.  I have a bad case of ADD, and I used to take a lot of Adderall.  Now I'm a smoker.  I have zero patience and I'm a lusty motherfucker.  I'm curious to see what I'll be like if I can go for a couple of weeks without orgasming, so as to break the cycle and reset my brain...  The most I've been since PUBERTY, I think, was like 5 days.  That was insane; near the end, my nuts were going nuts  ;D  But I didn't have these ideas or goals.  I bet, though, that I'll end up having sex rather than masturbating, as it would be much harder to resist.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2009, 08:04:26 AM by ryanh »

Bliss

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Re: Neurotransmitters and emotions
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2009, 10:01:21 AM »
and touching on Illuminatus's post this can cause huge cognitive dissonances with people.  Because they cannot see lust and love as different entities.

In fact the grip that chemicals put over yourself in all sorts of situations is why "everyone is mental!" and that "Freewill Is just an illusion". Knowing this doesn't really help too much either!

Integration is the only thing i've found to be effective against this and even this you have to keep doing until the chemical actually regains normal level!

Silvertree

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Re: Neurotransmitters and emotions
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2009, 10:13:45 AM »
I am not a big fan of Reuniting.  They do have some great info on sex and brain chemicals, but their bottom line is they seem anti sex, and pro cuddling.  Their viewpoint could be summed up as; oxytosin saves marriages, dopamine destroys them.  

My own take on it is, people need sex to be healthy.  I believe men need to blow off a load when their nuts are full.  It goes against nature to not do it.  But you can overdo it, and that will depress your dopamine levels.

There was a movement called Karezza (Pronounced car et za) back in the dawn of Feminism, maybe 1880.  An American female doctor went to India and learned a lot about Tantra and then created a system for Americans.  It was basically slow long intercourse every night without ejaculation or female orgasm.  It preached "Male Continence", which was a big fad in the late 1800s. If you look at the dopamine & oxytosin charts at Reuniting, you can see that this would give a big boost to your dopamine levels.  You could get the same effect whacking off but never cumming.  

These days, I get a quick dose of porn when I feel down and it boosts me  up.  It gives me a quick dopamine fix.  

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