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Author Topic: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle  (Read 3237 times)  Share 

Illuminatus

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Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« on: February 06, 2012, 04:03:02 PM »
This is a post I wrote over on Sleazy's fantastic forum. I'm telling you that because I can't be bothered to rewrite the post and remove all mentions of Sleazy. :P



Sleazy has taught you all via his books, blog and forum that basically "creating attraction" doesn't exist, and that pickup products which say that you can create attraction are basically lies and marketing scams.

Sleazy has also taught you that looks, fame, money and status are attractive to women, and that your efforts are essentially better spent on improving these areas. Looks in particular is an area in which you all have the capacity to improve. You might not realize it now but you might be a 5 in looks and you could be an 8. That is definitely possible. You see women do this all the time. A woman's beauty is, in most cases, a product of make-up, hair, fashion and looking after herself physically. She can do pretty well without the latter if she uses enough of the former. ;) A guy's main route to improve his looks are gym, fashion and haircut.

So thanks to Sleazy, everyone finding this forum should now know what is possible and what isn't, and on what areas to spend their time and energy.

I am writing this post as a special post just for Sleazy's readers. In this post I am going to explain one more element which is essential to get laid, but which Sleazy does NOT really cover. That is: emotional responsiveness.

This happens to be one area (along with looks and fashion) that specifically the kinds of guys who find forums such as this tend to have real problems with. In other words, it is, in my opinion, a huge missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle for the kind of guy who ends up in the seduction community. It is as essential as looks is for actually getting laid.

Emotional responsiveness is a phrase I have coined which attempts to encompass all the necessary emotional qualities of a male who successfully has sex with women. In my opinion, Sleazy does not teach it in direct terms simply because he already has it, and has had it for so long, that he overlooks what it's like not to have it.

I will mention at this point that I am friends with Sleazy "in real life". I have met him and gone out with him. I therefore know that he does not suffer from the kinds of problems I'm about to talk about. This is why he only touches on them in his books. I am writing this post because it is the one thing that is not really covered in a deep way in his books and therefore this is an opportunity for guys on this forum to identify their shortcomings in this area and start to think about addressing them.


EMOTIONAL RESPONSIVENESS

In short, to have sex with a woman, you need to be able to interact with her on an emotional level.

MANY GUYS SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

As a man, you need to be able to approach a woman, and recognize her emotional signals, and supply your own emotional signals back to her, in order to escalate the situation towards sex.

Without emotions, whatever you do will simply not work!!

I say this because I know, from having met many guys in the seduction community, and by having been like this myself in the past, that many of you actually believe you just need to follow the "right steps" and suddenly you will somehow be having sex with a woman. Programmes such as "Mystery Method" have not helped this debunk!! In fact, Mystery Method and other all other seduction programmes I have seen play into this complete fantasy that you can follow logical steps to get to sex. You can't. It must be done on the emotional level, via non-verbal communication and feelings.

If you just go up to a woman and try and follow steps, you will look like a robot, the woman will feel no emotional connection with you, and you will not succeed.

I therefore consider an emotionally responsive male to be someone who can:

- Regulate their own mood and emotions. They can be in a good mood, or a stable mood, or a mood whereby they can provide emotional communication effectively to women. If your mood is all over the place, has wild swings, or is generally low, or is easily changed by events occurring in the environment, I do not consider you emotionally responsive -- I consider you emotionally reactive. If you have no emotions while going out and talking to women, I consider you emotionally repressed. Repression is even worse for seduction, because if you're repressed (i.e. you are generally hiding your emotions from yourself and others because you fear feeling them, or have conditioned yourself to hide them for some reason such as a bad family or school life), then you won't even have the wild emotional swings required to pull crazy chicks. Therefore someone emotionally unstable is actually going to pull more than someone who is emotionally repressed. The repressed types generally get nothing.

- Be responsive to the emotions of others, especially women. "Responsive" does not mean "reactive". It means you can read signals and respond appropriately, or create responses which are going to advance or escalate the interaction in the direction of sex. Being responsive means being attuned to the emotional context of the situation, including your and her emotions.

Now let's be honest. MOST guys who cannot get laid lack emotional responsiveness as I have defined it here. Usually they need to sort out their looks too, but that is only half the problem. You can be good-looking and still not get laid, and in this case, lack of emotional responsiveness is the problem.


BECOMING EMOTIONALLY RESPONSIVE

This list is not exhaustive, and I encourage people to ask questions and discuss their own methods. The following are just ideas, albeit important ones.

- Meditation. This will allow you to begin making sense of your own emotions through becoming mindful of them. It will allow you to begin "un-repressing" emotions and allow you to feel again, and learn self-regulation of your own emotional state. If you are emotionally unstable or emotionally repressed, meditation is your own diagnostic toolkit to debug your emotional model of the world and find out what's going wrong. By learning about your own emotions, you will also become more responsive to the feelings of others, since we are all basically made from the same template.

- Having good role models. Fill your life up with emotionally responsive people, and watch diligently how they interact with others. Via the miracle of mirror neurons, plus some analysis, plus asking them lots of questions, you will begin picking up their traits and understanding what they do that makes them successful. For seduction, it is particularly important that you find other men who are already good with women in order to observe and mimic them. This is more important than anything else you do. This will teach you things you will never learn just from reading.

If you feel you have more serious psychological problems, you might also want to be assessed by a qualified mental health professional. The only danger here is the mental health profession's tendency to prescribe pills. I believe most psychological issues can be solved without drugs by following the correct therapies and guidance. However, you might be prescribed some behavioural-based therapy such as CBT which could really help if you have problems relating to others.


SUMMARY

To sum this up, many guys finding the seduction community have problems on the emotional level which reading and "learning game" simply aren't going to fix. The journey for many of you is a lot longer than you realize. In this post I've attempted to show you a basic minimum of the emotional intelligence you need in order to successfully perform the "mating dance" with a woman.

Again, the reason Sleazy does not cover this area much is because, to put it simply, he already has it handled. Sleazy had been meditating for 16 years when I met him. He's already put in the groundwork of building emotional responsiveness. If you see him out in the field, he is extremely calm, and is able to communicate with women effectively via emotional channels. In my opinion, this is the single area where most guys have the most trouble! Other pickup products or methods attempt to find ways around this problem (e.g. Mystery Method telling lies), or have cackhanded attempts at addressing it (RSD going on and on about "state"), but nobody in my opinion is really hitting the nail on its head. Well I am, and here it is.
« Last Edit: February 06, 2012, 04:06:59 PM by Illuminatus »

WetWaterDrop

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2012, 05:59:34 PM »
This is what I understood from reading TheCostOfSuccess posts, the entire way in which he communicated was meant for guys to get out of there heads and start feeling.


That being said, I've always been good with people because I can "feel" them. Ya feel me?  :P

MannySter

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2012, 02:25:54 AM »
Speaking as the "good looking guy who can't get laid", I have always been emotionally repressed. In fact feeling my way through a social situation was as foreign to me as communicating in Japanese.

The trauma release and "emotional mirroring" I have been doing are literally showing me an alternate universe where I am actually good at socializing with people. You know the feeling where the energies of the world are suddenly coming towards you instead of away from you? That's what I've been getting the last few days.

A lot more work to do though.

MannySter

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2012, 07:56:52 PM »
I'd like to add that I have watched many Russell Brand interviews in the past where he gets away with the most crude sexual comments to female interviewers who are clearly laughing their asses off. I have always had no idea how he did this nor did anybody I showed the interviews to.

I watched them again today and I see now that he has a tremendous emotional map of when to go sexual with women. Here is just one measly example of hundreds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YFrpJf4JA

This isn't even in his top 50th percentile but it would be in the 99.99999th percentile of most guy's. He is very present and just knows when to attack. He does not always do this, I have seen him refrain when the girl is not feeling it (ex. the Chelsea Handler interview).

aelephant

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2012, 11:53:16 PM »
I'd like to add that I have watched many Russell Brand interviews in the past where he gets away with the most crude sexual comments to female interviewers who are clearly laughing their asses off. I have always had no idea how he did this nor did anybody I showed the interviews to.

I watched them again today and I see now that he has a tremendous emotional map of when to go sexual with women. Here is just one measly example of hundreds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YFrpJf4JA

This isn't even in his top 50th percentile but it would be in the 99.99999th percentile of most guy's. He is very present and just knows when to attack. He does not always do this, I have seen him refrain when the girl is not feeling it (ex. the Chelsea Handler interview).

Wow, thanks for posting this.

I was wondering why this kinda funny looking guy who is kinda crude is hooking up with these super star chicks... this video (well, along with the fact that he is rich and famous) explains it all.

MannySter

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2012, 03:18:36 AM »
Wow, thanks for posting this.

I was wondering why this kinda funny looking guy who is kinda crude is hooking up with these super star chicks... this video (well, along with the fact that he is rich and famous) explains it all.

If you want to see some really amazing Russell Brand interviews let me know and I'll put up some links. This guy doesn't need to be rich and famous to pull, but it sure helps.

aelephant

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2012, 12:51:41 PM »
Wow, thanks for posting this.

I was wondering why this kinda funny looking guy who is kinda crude is hooking up with these super star chicks... this video (well, along with the fact that he is rich and famous) explains it all.

If you want to see some really amazing Russell Brand interviews let me know and I'll put up some links. This guy doesn't need to be rich and famous to pull, but it sure helps.

Would love to see them. If they aren't relevant to the topic, you could even start another thread.

EmpireStateOfMind

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2012, 10:59:32 PM »
well the thing is, russell brand can do those type of things in these situations because well... he's russell brand!
They say your attitude determines your latitude

MannySter

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2012, 04:22:30 AM »
well the thing is, russell brand can do those type of things in these situations because well... he's russell brand!

Well that's the reason I posted it in this thread. At PPM we're pushing past the "Russell Brand can only do it because he's Russell Brand" to why is Russell Brand Russell Brand.

He has success with women leagues above his fame and fortune. I believe the way he does it is dressing in the Sleazy-type rockstar fashion, and his amazing social skills. I don't mean David Letterman social skills, but flirting with girls social skills. If you watch enough interviews you will see that he knows exactly which buttons to push with girls and when. It's like he's switching gears as he goes.

He vibes with them immediately. Illuminatus can you watch this video and tell us if what he is doing here, what you describe in the first post? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F79vH7lIuign

EmpireStateOfMind

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2012, 06:34:06 AM »
well the thing is, russell brand can do those type of things in these situations because well... he's russell brand!

Well that's the reason I posted it in this thread. At PPM we're pushing past the "Russell Brand can only do it because he's Russell Brand" to why is Russell Brand Russell Brand.

He has success with women leagues above his fame and fortune. I believe the way he does it is dressing in the Sleazy-type rockstar fashion, and his amazing social skills. I don't mean David Letterman social skills, but flirting with girls social skills. If you watch enough interviews you will see that he knows exactly which buttons to push with girls and when. It's like he's switching gears as he goes.

He vibes with them immediately. Illuminatus can you watch this video and tell us if what he is doing here, what you describe in the first post? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F79vH7lIuign

yeah i may have commented too quick...that video is brilliant... "you're hypnotic".
They say your attitude determines your latitude

requiem

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2012, 03:33:11 AM »
Russell Brand is actually a proponent of meditation.

It's interesting because I've read his book and he was actually driven to the "spiritual path"  by his drug addiction. When someone is a really serious addict.. often they can only truly overcome it by addressing the CORE issues.

So he's present and in touch with his sexuality.. that's it. A normal human.

This one is from a film but you can still see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uwowEHjkXg

It should be stated though that.. It isn't as simple as "i'll just meditate and become present and all will come to me".

What's closer to the truth is that meditation and presence gives you the ability to LIVE.. the ability to hurt, the ability to feel pain, the ability to feel beauty. The pain still hurts, but you can manage it.

It is never just sitting back, and because you're magically present everything fits together. It is always hard.





MannySter

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Re: Emotional Responsiveness: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2012, 04:32:49 AM »
Wow, never seen that one. He's in character but holy crap, talk about going all in.

I've seen him on The View as himself and the girls loved him. I'd say this is how he conducts himself around groupies.


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