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Author Topic: Feeling of loss  (Read 1232 times)  Share 

Isidia

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Feeling of loss
« on: October 01, 2012, 02:06:47 PM »
Hi!
I am recently undergoing a depression relating to the feeling of loss. I don't know why but it seems I am one of those guys who rote memories more than others. Toward the end of last year has been extremely satisfactory for me, I lost virginity to a girl I like, I started feeling love for people and made friends much easier. I was also a little more daring in terms of expressing myself sexually.

However, I have lived in an environment where people just came and went for 1 year or 2. It makes me feel very sad whenever I see their photos on the wall, as memories relived, I lose myself in the past. There was a bar near our uni and there were drawings of those people written all over the walls, and now whenever I came over there, I felt sad as images from the past just came to my mind so lively. And now I have a feeling I am losing something.

There is another theme for my depression. Last year, an incredible attractive Italian girl was very into me, but I was scared to make a move, I didn't know how to handle it, it came to me as a surprise since she was desired by lots of males. Then this year another guy has found his way to her, and made me feel very sad and disappointed at myself.

These two themes combine together made me feel down this year. I went out several nights to lose myself to the loud club music, but went back in an emotionally drained state. I have lost almost all confidence I used to possess last year, and feel sad.

I still practiced meditation everyday, very simple meditation with no particular techniques, just focus on your breath. I started to sit in lotus position and followed closely instruction from this site as well as advice from Buddhist monk who lived in the same building.

I don't know how to get over this lost feeling, it's very annoying. I have attempted to compare it perhaps to the feeling of someone close to you just die.


xenization

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Re: Feeling of loss
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2012, 08:26:55 PM »
It suck being in a rut like that. The quickest way to get out of it is a paradigm shifting experience, like moving, a vacation to a cool foreign place, fucking a super hotty etc... but the easiest and one of the most effective ways to bump yourself out of a rut imho is a psychedelic experience, i suggest psilocybin mushrooms, at a high dose (at least 5grams), by yourself.. these will scramble all your models of the world for 5 hours and makes it far easier to make new ones afterwards,  they also give you a grace period of a week or two where you feel just amazing, at one with nature, and happy afterwards, inwhich you can use to make changes positive changes in your life without the shadow of depression looming over you.. They do many many many other things which i won't go into now, but if you can get a hold of some of these they could help you out... if you've never done them before, maybe try them out at a lower dose with an experienced friend before you attempt a solo trip, just to get a feel for them..

Also a note on "bad trips" typically the mushroom gives you what you need, not what you want, so if you start going to some dark places, just go with the flow, there's a good chance you had to deal with that shit anyway, and resistance will only make it worse... that being said, you'll in all likelihood have an amazing revelatory trip, but either way the best way to do mushrooms is with complete surrender in mind.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2012, 08:29:17 PM by xenization »

Mago

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Re: Feeling of loss
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2012, 09:16:11 PM »
I never did mushrooms so I won't comment until I do (which will happen soon). But I agree with the change shift. I know it's hard for you at the moment but travelling or changing your daily routine is HUGE. I just started my first day at work and I feel amazing, seeing all those faces I haven't seen in a month, new schedule, new desk... It's almost like when I moved in Paris. I also know where the almost comes from, it's because I was much more excited prior to moving with Paris than getting this new job ; I was happy because of the financial stability but a bit disappointed by the lack of freedom it will give me.

But anyway, both those experiences (moving in Paris, and then 7 months later, getting hired) CLEARLY followed 2 periods where I was quite depressed. It showed me what a big change in my life can do. It's also where most happy people get their happiness from ; they are always moving or travelling or having new goals in their mind. Routine is one of the most depressive behaviour in my opinion, with loneliness. So socialize regularly, but try and find something else to do for the longer term.

The girl in question, as well as the friends you miss, are actually just a rationalization that your brain makes to justify what you feel, in my opinion. I've met quite a bit of people I really liked throughout the years and I don't see most of them anymore. When I think about them right now it's a good feeling, that, to me, means that it's not supposed to trigger depression (because, if I am depressed, then thinking about them actually makes me feel bad, so it's not the cause). It's the same thing with girls I failed to get, if I'm depressed, I feel bad thinking about them, but right now, I'm like, "oh well... whatever". I really am.


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